If you are considering becoming a pen pal, how do you become a good one? What is the etiquette and mode of behaviour required of pen pals? Generally speaking, the same kinds of good behaviour and 'netiquette' apply here as elsewhere, however there are some aspects of this which are specific to pen pals friendships.
To begin with, before we can even consider how to behave well as a penpal, there is the question of where to find suitable pen pals. There are places that offer free pen pals, however you might want to ask yourself how such pen friends can be provided for free, when the web sites that offer them have unavoidable costs associated with their businesses. Usually, the answer is that such sites hope to sell their free members other products and services further down the line.
It is usually considered much better to pay for a pen pal service up-front, and so to avoid any potential problems that may be associated with free pen pals, such as a complete lack of monitoring of badly behaved members, or members who have simply joined the service in order to perpetrate their own scams upon others.
When you contact a potential new penpal for the first time, remember that this is somebody who does not know you, and you should approach him or her on a friendly but formal basis. It is best to take the line that you would when meeting a new business colleague, for example. Be friendly and not over-familiar, certainly not until you get to know somebody well and feel comfortable e-mailing them.
A good general format when you are e-mailing pen pals -- or any friend of your acquaintance for that matter -- is to begin with a friendly greeting followed by a response to any news or information that your pen pal has provided in his or her e-mail. You can then move on to your own news and what has been happening to you recently.
Certainly at first, or in the early stages of a pen pal friendship, your e-mails should not be too long. Be brief and to the point, and be friendly, but not silly. Try not to dwell too much on your own background or life story -- especially at first. A new penpal does not want to be burdened down with the disasters and history of your life. Remember that your penpal is there for his or her own reasons -- to get to know new friends, perhaps even to seek a romantic relationship. What could be more offputting than a lengthy description of emotional baggage that you should have left behind long ago?
As with any new friendship, it is best to avoid discussing controversial subjects with your new pen friend, at least at first, or until you get to know the other person better. Finding somebody who disagrees strongly with you on an important topic that falls into the subject areas of politics or religion for example, is a sure way to end that new friendship very quickly. People are more tolerant of differing views when those views are expressed by their more established friends then they are when expressed by new acquaintances.
You can send your pen pal a photo of yourself, however do not do this too soon as it may be interpreted as a romantic approach. If your intention is not to meet people for romantic purposes, then you should get to know someone fairly well first so that the relationship is reasonably well-established, before exchanging any photographs. Also, it is good practice to check beforehand that your friend can actually download large files from the Internet, and even then it is important to send a preliminary e-mail to warn that a large file will be following shortly. Otherwise, you may end up stalling or crashing your pen friends e-mail software, which will not endear him or her to you.
The situation with exchanging 'head-and-shoulder' photos may be different, however, if you have joined a pen pals service for singles and it is clear to all parties concerned that this is the situation and the reason why they are there. Otherwise, if you want to exchange photos, send your penpal a picture of you out with your friends, or some other picture relevant to what you have been discussing.
Always be polite and friendly when e-mailing your pen friends, avoiding being aggressive, intimidating or demanding. Put simply, such behaviour will mean that he or she will not want to email you again. It sounds obvious, but it needs to be said.
Having Pen pals is an excellent way to get to know new people in other countries or at home. Some lifelong friendships and even romances have begun as penpal relationships, so starting out on a new pen pal 'voyage' one never knows where it is going to lead!